The banner says it all - about the holiday and the film. Photo by Ron Batzdorff

Valentine's Day
Is it worth $10? No // Hudak gives it a D // Rated PG-13

By Dan Hudak // hudakonhollywood.com

Huge cast. Huge expectations. Huge disappointment. “Valentine’s Day” is a Hallmark movie for a Hallmark holiday, made for the sole purpose of capitalizing on one weekend’s box office receipts. The star power is considerable, but this disappointing, sappy movie about a corporate-created holiday is as heartfelt as giving plastic flowers to a loved one.

Directed by Garry Marshall (“Pretty Woman”), the film tells intertwining love stories on Valentine’s Day among a select group of Los Angeles natives.

The fact that Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner and Anne Hathaway first appear in a nightshirt will be appealing to many, but none of it is sexy. It’s all a big tease, actually, making you hope for and want more but leaving you disappointed, which basically sums up the entire movie.

Written by Katherine Fugate, love is teased, lost, found, hated and embraced. A variety of relationships, from young crushes to old flames, are explored, but never with any depth or insight. It’s all perfectly pleasant, and perfectly dull.

For example, take Kara (Jessica Biel) and Kelvin (Jamie Foxx). They’re professional acquaintances who are attracted to one another and share a hatred for Valentine’s Day. Will Kara and Kelvin find one another? Will Reed (Ashton Kutcher) and best friend Julia (Garner) realize they’re in love after a fall out with their significant others (Alba and Patrick Dempsey, respectively)? Is there a doubt?

In fairness, not everything is predictable. An airplane friendship between Holden (Bradley Cooper) and Kate (Julia Roberts) has a surprise ending, and an older couple (Shirley MacLaine and Hector Elizondo) face unexpected adversity. There are also some interesting things happening with a teen couple (Carter Jenkins and Emma Roberts) who believe having sex will solidify their relationship before they leave for college. But even when not predictable, everything is so cookie-cutter that it never truly registers, and no one is around long enough for us to care.

And here’s a bigger problem: In a movie that also stars Topher Grace, Hathaway (whose character moonlights as a phone sex “entertainer”), Queen Latifah, George Lopez and more, the funniest laughs come courtesy of Matthew Walker. Who? He’s a character actor who plays a wannabe TV reporter, and his one-liners steal the scene in which the Taylors (Swift and Lautner) epitomize teenage infatuation. This is great for Walker but bad for us, especially considering the A-list talent involved.

The flaw is not really in the concept of “Valentine’s Day” – exploring various looks at love in Los Angeles is fine – it’s in the lack of creativity. All these stars in one film, and none of them has anything interesting to do. With “Leap Year” having already stunk up the multiplex, let’s hope Hollywood leaves fake holidays alone for a while.

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