Grown Ups
Rated (PG-13)
Is it worth $10? No
Hudak grades it a C

By Dan Hudak // hudakonhollywood.com

If you want to see five comedians try to top one another with one-liners, “Grown Ups” is the movie for you. It would be a movie for everyone else too if it were consistently funny and had a story.

After their old middle school basketball coach dies, five friends and their families reunite at a beautiful lake house. If you were thinking that in reality no middle school coach has ever had an impact on someone’s life who didn’t become a professional athlete, you would be correct. But the premise is just an excuse to get the guys together for some fun. If only we could have fun with them.

Lenny (Adam Sandler) is a successful Hollywood agent with a fashionista wife (Salma Hayek) and three kids who text their nanny (Di Quon) to bring them hot chocolate. Eric (Kevin James) is a scruffy, likeable family man whose wife (Maria Bello) continues to breast feed their four year-old son. Kurt (Chris Rock) is a househusband whose wife (Maya Rudolph) supports him and their kids while his mother-in-law (Ebony Jo-Ann) hates his guts. Rob (Rob Schneider) is a new-age holistic type whose wife (Joyce Van Patten) is much older than he, and Marcus (David Spade) is an aging ladies man.

Sandler and Fred Wolf wrote the script, but you have to wonder how much improv happened on the set, especially as the guys razz one another with one-liners as only old friends can do. Some of these quips are funny, but most feel desperate, as do most of the movie’s set pieces. It’s as if ideas that were amusing on the page failed to translate when performed.

For example, there’s an excursion to a water park, and you can see everyone having a great time. But the comedy in this sequence — the women ogling a hunk from afar, cutting lines, macho guy talk and stupidity with middle school rivals led by a guy named Dickie (Colin Quinn) — doesn’t feel natural, and none of it is very funny. Exception: Sportscaster Dan Patrick has a humorous cameo as a ride guy who gets abused.

If an idea is good and is executed well but doesn’t play as funny on screen, the blame goes to the director, Dennis Dugan. But Dugan can’t be blamed for the fact that there’s absolutely no story here, and the faint family values he tries to shove down our throats barely register.

The Sandler comedy troupe has certainly seen better days. Maybe Sandler should go back on his own, James and Spade should go back to TV, Rock should go back to standup and Schneider should just go away. One thing is for sure: “Grown Ups” isn’t going to help any of their careers, and each needs all the help he can get.

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